The second annual Florida Man Games were a big success again. They went down Saturday near St. Augustine, Florida. They’re like if a drunk guy was in charge of the Olympics.
They brought back a few popular events from last time . . .
The Evading Arrest Obstacle Course. You escape from handcuffs . . . throw an alligator through a drive-thru window . . . and steal a catalytic converter, all while being chased by actual cops.
The Weaponized Pool Noodle Mud Duel. It’s like “The Joust” from “American Gladiators” but in a baby pool. The jousting poles are made of pool noodles and duct tape.
Florida Sumo Cage Match and Beer Chug. You wear an innertube, fight someone while holding a pitcher of beer, and try not to spill it. The loser can still get points by chugging the winner’s remaining beer.
New events included . . .
Hurricane Party Prep: Grocery Aisle Brawl. Like medieval jousting, but in shopping carts. If no one falls, you just fight it out for hurricane supplies.
Human Beer Pong. You’re in a big inflatable bubble and have to get past someone, then jump in a pool that looks like a Red Solo Cup. The loser has to chug beer, whiskey, or “bong water.”
Other attractions this year included axe throwing . . . lawnmower races . . . a mechanical gator instead of a bull . . . and a Best Mullet contest, obviously.